I have moved as a writer to the living room, where the sun starts to flood in around now - late morning - and where the views over the trees and hills are also breathtaking. I can sit at my Chinese carved bureau and see the windows and landscape reflected in the great wall-mirror. I feel just at home here - I think if Ballard can write prodigiously while raising three children in Shepperton, I can overcome any feeling or obstacle to write. Morning, noon, or night.
Setting up the blogs to my own liking was key, and separating out my interests. So this blog is more personal and without boundaries, I can write what I like abou Gary Numan, piano and synthesizer music, Celtic, Ireland and Scotland, symbolism, dreams, serial killers, Hitler and the Nazis, birds and the history of ornithology, the derivation of birds' names, and all my interests, and it's colourful, varied and unstructured and it has no purpose for anyone else but me, and even I don't really have a purpose. Except to write. And put up some pictures!!
I have another place to write about creative learning and training and counselling and coaching. And another place to specialise in birds and spirituality which I might develop into a book.
I was being too gentle with my fingertips on my new laptop yesterday and the cursor just seemed to have a mind of its own. Today I'm being much firmer and it's fine. Like when I played Karin at tennis...I was playing gently at first to get her going but she couldn't get the ball back over the net. When I hit a few hard ones at her she fired them back without thinking and passed me several times. I was speechless.
It's not always the right approach to be careful, sensitive and mindful. Some people need a stiff challenge to overcome, and that is how they function. I remember my frustration with the school system "piling on the support" for one boy whose behavior was disruptive and threatening. I knew he needed to be challenged alongside support, I knew we had to get a balance in order to turn him around. A balance of support and challenge.
I don't think I thrive on stiff challenges, but I do need to overcome this one in a short space of time. I prefer for things to tick over but I know it can also become stale and that I can become lazy and unproductive. Being anxious and living without a safety net is also exciting, as well as scary - and in the void and the fear there are also opportunities and spiritual emergence - already I have discerned changes and possibilities. Something will come of it. I am cool in a crisis. But this is my crisis! Another one.
And there's a snippet I might take over to my learning and development pages! How easy to look out and see, but how difficult it is to remember to turn inward and look there too. Paint yourself into the picture, Michael!
I will write something about "What To Say When You Talk To Yourself" - and about neuroplasticity. But not right now.
I have some organising to do today, books and papers. And I daresay I will get caught up writing on one of my template manuscripts, maybe the A-Z paraphiliac will make an appearance and come back to life, or my tract on Holiness and Business, on being and doing, or living a practical spirituality and a spiritual practice; or more thoughts on Shadowside Projections as Evil, Deeper, Left and Dark (Judas Unveiled); or one of my other books which are developing in a drawer somewhere. And years of poetry!!
Good stuff. Getting reorganised and then adding to these projects would be a great way of using my time, in between the job search and the business set-up and ... having human relationships!
But this beautiful wee flat makes it all possible.
I will put a picture or two up here if I can, to preserve this moment and this view and this atmosphere so that I can remember what it looks like and feels like.